Hen do invitations: tone, timing and the group chat

Hen do invitations sit in an interesting middle ground. They're not as formal as wedding invitations, but they're also not just a casual message in the group chat. Get the balance right and you set the tone for the whole weekend. Get it wrong and you end up with twelve different people asking twelve different questions individually.

Here's how to handle it.

Who sends them — and who decides the details?

The maid of honour, or whoever is organising the hen, sends the invitations. The bride should ideally not be managing her own hen do logistics — part of the gift is taking it off her hands.

If you're the organiser, you'll need to:

1. Agree the rough date with the bride (secretly, if it's a surprise — or openly if she wants to be involved)
2. Get the guest list from the bride or decide who to invite from the main wedding guest list
3. Set a budget range guests need to know about before confirming
4. Collect dietary requirements, accessibility needs, and any other practical information
5. Book anything that has a deadline (accommodation, activities, restaurants)

The invitation is how you communicate most of this. It's the starting point, not a final confirmation — guests need to RSVP, contribute to costs, and confirm their attendance before you can finalise anything.

When to send hen do invitations

For an overnight or multi-day hen do: 3–4 months before the event. Weekends away require more planning and travel for guests, and people need time to sort childcare, book time off work, and save money.

For a local day or evening out: 6–8 weeks is usually enough.

If the hen do is happening close to the wedding (as many do — often 2–4 weeks before), count backwards from the wedding date and give yourself enough runway.

What to include in the invitation

This depends on how much you've finalised, but at minimum:

The basics:

• —Date and day of the week
• —Location (city/town, specific venue if booked)
• —The type of event ("afternoon cocktail making + dinner" vs "Benidorm weekend")
• —Who it's for: "Hen do for Sophie!"
• —RSVP deadline and how to respond

The practical:

• —Cost per person (or approximate) — people need to know this before they commit
• —What's included vs not included
• —Any dress code or theme
• —Accommodation details (if overnight) including whether it's already booked or whether guests sort their own

The nice-to-have:

• —A photo of the bride (works well on digital invites)
• —A small note about what the plan is ("keeping it relaxed," "expect to stay out late," "heels optional")

What not to include

Don't include anything you haven't confirmed yet as if it's definite. If the wine cruise isn't booked, don't list it as the activity — one person will book time off around it, it'll fall through, and you'll be managing an upset.

Don't list a final cost if it depends on how many people come. Either give a rough range ("approximately £80–£120 per person depending on numbers") or wait until you have confirmed numbers before sending the cost.

The group chat problem

The group chat is inevitable. But it can become a black hole where everything gets lost, questions repeat endlessly, and the organiser spends hours answering the same things.

A few things that help:

Pin the invitation in the chat. Whatever platform you're using, pin the invitation message or link so guests can find it without scrolling back.

Create a simple FAQ. Once you notice the same questions coming up, pin a message that answers them: "Drop your accommodation payment to [bank details] by [date]. Dress code: smart casual. Meet at [location] at [time]."

Use a form for practical info. Rather than trying to collect dietary requirements, phone numbers, and accessibility needs via a group chat, link to a simple online form. Google Forms is free. Guests fill it in, you have a spreadsheet. Much cleaner.

Be clear about what decisions are final and what's still open. If the restaurant is booked, say so. If the activity is still TBD, say that too. Ambiguity is what generates endless chat messages.

Digital vs printed for hen do invitations

For a hen do, digital invitations are almost always the right choice. The guest list is younger, the event is more casual, and digital means you can update details easily as they're confirmed.

More practically: a digital invitation can include a link to the shared itinerary, a payment link for the deposit, and the form for dietary requirements. A printed card cannot do any of those things.

A word on budget

Be upfront about costs early. The single biggest source of hen do stress — and the thing most likely to lead to someone dropping out at the last minute — is guests not realising how much things cost until they're already committed.

State the approximate total cost in the invitation. If it's £250 per head for a weekend away, say that in the first message. Some guests will need to decline; it's far better they do it early than partway through the planning.

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For the wedding invitation itself

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